So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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