it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this is an emotional support booty call
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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