Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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