before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
