My hand turned me down
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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