ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
