I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
