2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
