I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
