Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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