You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
