mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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