right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i came on her dog
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
