It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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