The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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