I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
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He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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