My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
