Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
