Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you win again, gameday.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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