Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am one with the molecules
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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