i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
