I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
