They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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