Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
