none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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