Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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