non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
