The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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