There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
...so i touched it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
