hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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