Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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