How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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