it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
