Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
