I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
