I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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