I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
