I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
