I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
