so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
