So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
