they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
