Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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