You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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