If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
