This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
