Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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