3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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