I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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