His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
