No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
