How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
