Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sponge bath it is.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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