i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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