Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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