The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
