Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
