Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
