I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
