I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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