Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
