Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
