Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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