Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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