What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's always time for handjobs
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
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For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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