Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
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Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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