You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
