i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
