Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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