that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
