I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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