I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize