my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
