Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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