Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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