I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
