smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
