I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
