Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
