very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
