so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
