Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
