Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
