we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
