i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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