Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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